I told myself I wasn’t going to write anything because I had likely expressed all the love I feel for a boy who is asleep in bed, just hours away from turning 4 years old. I told myself, I’ll just look at a few pictures from the birth, you know for good old times and that’s when I saw it. A photo that seemed to capture the look of pure wonderment as I focused in on every feature of his day old face. In the photo, I can see myself trying to bottle up the life changing experience that just occurred, trying to lock it into memory how small facial features could be, and mostly feeling the weight of an answered prayer, all 7 lbs, 4 oz of it.
I spent the bitter month of January 2012 walking twice a day, an iPod in one hand and Derby [our first baby] in the other. I had no idea the enormity of what would happen to my life the day I gave birth, but I knew there would be nothing I wouldn’t do to make him or her feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love. No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.
A few weeks after Noah was born, my mom came down to help me adjust to my new normal. At the exact same time, Whitney Houston passed away and the coverage was as relentless as a 3 week old’s opposition to sleep. After hours of hearing the Greatest Love of All, it became the only thing I could muster up to sing during the 3 am rocking sessions. I’m not sure if it helped anyone fall asleep, but it helped me stay mindful that the greatest love of all was happening to me right then and there in that glider in the middle of the night.
GeeGee is focused on the Whitney Houston coverageBecause the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The summer is always a special time with Noah. It’s hard to say which of our 4 summers together have been the best, but the summers of 2013 and 2014 are currently tied for number 1. The summer of 2013, I held down the fort while Taylor spent the better part of a month in NYC on business. I thought it was going to be one of the hardest months, but it ended up being the best bonding experience with Noah. We spent every evening after work/daycare at the pool and watched the summer sun fade from the rocker in his room. I was tired most of the time, often overwhelmed, but I remember feeling I had the best day more often than not.
And I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today
In the fall of 2014, our big boy started school [2 day 2’s]. It was a tougher transition for him than I assumed it would be [daycare baby and all]. Most drop offs ended in tears, Noah’s at the classroom door and mine in the car reminding myself that it won’t be like this for long. He recently told me that I don’t need to come down and see him at lunch time, he’s a big boy now after all. Talk about phases flying by.
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you’ll drop him off
And he won’t even know you’re gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Noah’s middle name is my maiden name, a name I am beyond proud for him to bear. To me, the name Duggan embodies everything that I wish for Noah: strength in the face of a storm, a forgiving heart when it still hurts, bravery when life feels uncertain, faithfulness in the face of fear, and love, love, love until the love runs out. These are just a few of the things my parents have given to me and along with my name, it’s what I hope to pass on to Noah.
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
Happy birthday to my [our] superhero. Your life gives meaning to mine.
And I hope you stay forever young.