Why are first birthdays such a milestone moment for mothers? It’s not as if our worries are over, far from it; they have only just begun. Ahead are big caution signs with warnings of broken hearts, broken limbs, and broken spirits. Yet, here I am, on the eve of my daughter’s first birthday, an emotional insomniac as if I were preparing for an induction in the morning.
It’s Been A Year
The only words that come close to summing up the past 12 months are these; it’s been a year. I wish you could feel the weight of those words as they type them. It’s not only just a year since they placed a baby girl, a dream come true, in my arms. It’s not only just a year that my first born had to take a back seat, more often than not. It’s not only just a year since my husband and I had to redefine where we fit into this family of four.
It has been a year of triumphs. A year that we beat RSV without hospitalization. A year that we managed to escape injury after a fall down 14 wooden steps to concrete. A year of safe travels, sound sleeps and milestone achievements.
It’s been a year of failures when I realized I cannot do it all. A year where I have snapped unfairly at a tired toddler. A year where I stopped throwing stones in my glass house. A year where I have faced “what-ifs” and “what could have been’s” and tucked them neatly away for a rainy day.
But more than any of that, it’s been a year that God graced me with the this child. I often catch myself staring at her and wondering how I am lucky enough to be her mother. I surely I do not deserve it.
All About Aria
There’s the laugh; this hearty, deep-in-the-belly laugh that only her brother or an intense round of peek-a-boo can invoke. The eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. They are all her Daddy’s and inside them I see every dream I never mustered up the courage for and every hope I have for her future. But it all lies in the smile that lights up my life. It’s the only thing from either of our children I can claim as my own. It’s big, easy to conjure and hides a future of buck teeth and braces.
My sweet Aria. Each day, you live the definition of your name by making your voice the solo act and we are lucky to be cast as your accompanied melody. Happy First Birthday to my boisterous, baby girl. My world is yours.